The Alchemist in the Attic

For a long time I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I was sure that San Francisco was where I was meant to be, and pursuing that goal has been the defining factor in my life up until this point. But now...now I'm seeing new potentials. Suddenly SF doesn't seem like the most viable option. I mean, it's still on the table. I still want to end up there eventually, but I'm afraid that, in light of all these new possibilities, that it might have to wait.

The Potentials:
1. Move to SF, go to school, work my ass off.
2. Move to Sweden for a year and return the favor of nannying the kids of the woman who once did the same for me.
3. Stay in Tahoe, open my own shoppe and put everything else on the back-burner for now.

1. Moving to SF has been my goal since I was, like, 17. I've wanted to live and go to school in the city for as long as I can remember, and it's been such a huge, defining factor for my life for so long. It's still something I want really badly, but in light of some of these other options, I'm starting to think of it as more of a long-term goal than as something I want in the next year or so. That's hard for me. I feel like I'm giving up on a dream. Like I'm finally admitting defeat. I'm not really, I'm just re-prioritizing according to the options I have right now. It's something that I definatly still want. I just have a difficult time letting go of it for now.

2. This is sort of the wild card option. It's the "drop everything and do something crazy" option. It's immensely appealing; I would get to live and work in the home of a woman I love and respect immensly, taking care of her two little boys. I would get to experience a different country, culture, language, and I would get to travel...which is something I've never really done, but have always wanted to do.

3. Stay in Tahoe and open my own boutique with my mom. This is a recent development. An idea I've been toying around with for a while and just recently got really excited about. I'm in love with the concept and feel like it could potentially be a really amazing business venture. But...it would mean I would have to stay in Tahoe. This idea doesn't bother me as much as it once did, when I was younger I was obsessed with the idea of escaping South Lake and moving to the Big City, but now...I'm content here. The things I disliked about Tahoe (the snow, the small town, etc) are now things that I'm beginning to see in a new light.

So those are the options on the table. I've been staring at them for days, turning them over and over in my head. Weighing the pros and cons. I'm stuck. My indecision paralyzes me.